Assholes love spiders
by Zombies are evil
Summary: Every character in homestuck/Vriska. I noticed no one had done this. So I will... But first you need to tell me what you want. NOT YET RATED BUT SINCE THIS NEEDS A RATING I'LL SET IT AT T FOR NOW.
1. Bluh

**Well. Guess who got into Homestuck? I DID. Silly Jasmine. Silly silly silly. ANYWAY. THIS WILL BASICALLY BE A GIANT STORY OF ALL THE VRISKA PAIRINGS OF I CAN THINK OF. BECAUSE... I ONLY KNOW HOW TO PORTRAY HER. IT'S FUCKING WEIRD.  
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**SO...**

**Any first requests?**

**Any?**

**Otherwise I'll just choose 'em and NO ONE wants that to happen.  
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	2. Stories and Fairytales

**Okkkk. Im start with Tavros/Vriska. OuO.**

**Because I'm nice. Yup yup yup. **

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><p>"Hey, uh, Vriska. Do you maybe want to read some fairy tales with me?" Tavros asked the cerulean blooded troll, clutching his book of stories to his chest. He might as well try and get along with her. Maybe if they bonded, she would be nicer to him! Tavros knew she could be nice if she tried, Vriska just was raised wrong! That HAS to be it.<p>

"Why? They're all fake anyway!" Vriska crossed her arms over her chest, looking down at the crippled rust blood with annoyance.

"U-uh... Because they're fun to read! C-C'mon... Please?" He stuttered, his face heating up in embarrassment. Why was she so insulting?

Vriska let out a drawn out sigh, looking up at the ceiling with a look that could only say 'Why me?'."Fiiiiiiiine Tavdork! We'll read your dumb story book! But then it's back to training got it?" Tavros shakily nodded and gave her a tiny grin, wheeling himself over to his couch and lifting himself into it. Say what you will about cripples, but after wheeling yourself around for awhile you'll get a lot of arm strength.

Vriska plopped herself next to him, crossing her legs and looking at him expectantly. "Well? Read them to me already." She huffed, tapping her fingers against her arm.

"Oh! Y-Yah sure. W-Which one should I read first? Maybe, uh, you wanna choose?" He opened the book to the index, showing it to her. The cerulean troll rolled her eyes and looked at the index, each title even more boring than the next.

"Those are stupid titles Tavros." She said plainly, flipping the book closed. Vriska stood up and dug around in her drawers before coming back with a plain black book with a cerulean Scorpio symbol on it. "This is waaaaaaaay better than any of your silly grub tales! This is real!" She spoke proudly, kicking away his story book and showing him her book.

"Oh uhh... W-who's in it?" He moved to take the book but she whipped it away from him and put her heel on the arm of his couch. "It's the life and experiences of the mighty Spinneret Mindfang! About her raids and relationships and who she's beat! The greatest pirate of all Alternia!" She declared, obviously passionate about her Ancestor.

"O-oh. That sounds cool." He gave her a smile. "Do you want to start at a certain part of it?"

"Duuuuuuuuh! I'll start when she learns about the Summoner! I think you'll like that part!"

**Still taking requests btw**


	3. Spankings

**Doing another because I'm BORED. **

**Also warning for SPANKING. Just in case it triggers people or something..  
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><p>"Will you please stop squirming." It was more of a statement than a question honestly. Equius kept Vriska's hands locked together and a firm arm around her waist. This was actually him being gentle.<p>

"PUT ME DOWN YOU SWEATY, MUSCLE BOUND DICKFACE! I'LL FUCKING BREAK YOUR NECK!" She screamed, trying to get out of his grasp. All this JUST because she made a '3' to Karkat? Equius really took the hemospectrum to the extreme.

"I apologize, but I cannot let you down. That mutant is unworthy of a highblood's attention such as yours." He strode to his neighbors hive, ignoring her futile attempts at freedom. He was stronger than her.

Despite his disgust of mutants and lowbloods alike, they were not the only ones at fault. Vriska had been the one to start it. So she had to be punished as well. He'd have to be extremely careful though.

Equius carried his neighbor up to her room and carefully locked the door. He proceeded to her couch and sat down, gently pulling her over his knee. "I am terribly sorry for what I am about to do. But it is for the best." He tugged down her blue jeans down to her knees, leaving her panties in place.

Vriska's eyes widened and she started to flail, desperately trying to get away from him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Her cheeks heated up, flushing with cerulean. He better not be doing what she thought he was doing.

He did not respond to her, instead he just raised his hand and lightly smacked her bottom. "OW!" She yelped, squirming around. "What was that for you sick fuck!" She hissed, trying to kick him.

Equius smacked her again, receiving a cry in response. "Stop that!" This was annoying and painful and HUMILIATING! How DARE he do this to her? He had no right to do this to her!

A few more smacks were given before she felt her pants getting pulled back over her butt, making it sting and throb in pain. Vriska was set aside on the couch, and Equius left her there to return to his hive. His lusus must be waiting for him.


	4. Kinda GamzeeVriska

**Gonna publish this even though it's not completed. also i need another prompt for gam/vris because this prompt is meant for good writers, not chumps like moi**

Gamzee stared bored at the white tiled ceiling of the 'play' room. This was considered help? To him it was torture. And they took away his slime! How messed up is that? Ugh. Absolutely nothing to do.

"Everyone, this is Vriska. She will be joining us for the rest of these meetings." His eyes went to the girl with long hair and an angry expression. They were holding her down, and the large trolls had scratches and bite marks on them. She must be strong.

The rest of the group muttered a welcome and the trolls forced Vriska down in a chair across from him. She was pretty. As the 'doctors' started the group by name call, Gamzee observed Vriska. Curvy, messy hair. A cerulean blood.

"-ara! Mr. Makara! Pay attention!" The doctor snapped at him, growling. "No motherfucking way Ma'am." He replied without taking his eyes off the female troll, angering the doctor more. At the sound of his voice, Vriska's eyes snapped to his, staring him down. Eight pupils...


	5. shortest fanfic ever

**Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass.**

**I think I'll do some stuffing now. Yup. Withhhh... Jack Noir! Yes! This'll be interesting!**

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><p>Vriska gave a muffled shout as the exile shoved another spoonful of cake down her throat. She was already full she didn't want any fucking cake! Yet another piece of cake was shoved in her mouth.<p>

"Stop that, you sound like a fucking pussy. Now open wide bitch." Jack made her swallow the cake only to pour milk over her mouth. Can't have her dehydrated can he?

Vriska gurgled and choked on the milk, the white going down her face and to her chest, staining the fabric. Gross.

"Cake time!" Jack hissed, pushing the frosting covered cake into her face. She felt sick. "N-No more! Fuck... SNOWMAN HELP!" she screamed, trying to get the attention of her exile. Jack slapped her and covered her mouth.

"You little fucking BITCH!"

Snowman didn't come.


	6. Lemons and blueberries

**bored bored bored bored bored bored bored**

**I HATE my wifi. It's a bitch.**

**Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass  
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><p>"Sollux you're such a WHINER!" Vriska complained, yanking on the mustard bloods short hair. She was right, but it was still rude.<p>

"Leave me alone Vritha. I don't need your thit." Sollux glared at her from behind his glasses. Vriska was lucky she was pretty, because otherwise he'd have killed her already.

"Whiner whiner whiner whiner!" She teased, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. God she was irritating. He just wanted to punch her! "Get away from me or elthe." He growled, his eyes starting to glow.

"Or else what? You'll tie me up and spank me~? Hahaha!" Sollux felt his ears get warm. He could actually see himself- NO! Don't give in. "OH MY GOOOOOOOOD YOU'RE ACTUALLY CONSIDERING IT!" she screamed, looking at him in delight and amusement.

She started to laugh loudly, making him grind his teeth. She was infuriating. He wanted to punch her. He wanted to kill her. He wanted...

Vriska's laughs were silenced by his mouth pressing roughly against hers, demanding control. Her eyes widened and she was frozen for a moment before putting her hands on his wide shoulders and trying to push him off.

Sollux dropped her and wiped his mouth before walking away, not looking at anyone as he did.

Why did he do that?


	7. Requests shit

**WHAT OTHER REQUESTS DID I HAVE AGAIN?**

**BAH I DON'T REMEMBER**

**On the subject of requests, can someone make an Orgy fic for meeeeeeee? **

**Basically**

**EVERYONE/vriska. AT THE SAME TIME.**

**Actually the fic can have like... two chapters**

**One for ALL THE MALES/vriska**

**and one for ALL THE FEMALES/vriska**

**Incase you're creeped out by lesbians or something.. ALSO. I made Sollux/Vriska. Last chapter. Welp.  
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	8. JohnVriskaaa

**Ok first John/Vriska because a lot of people requested it THEN do the other request.**

**Ok?**

**Yah...**

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><p><strong><strong>John smiled at his patron troll, wrapping his arms around her sweetly. "Hey Vriska! I missed you!" Vriska grinned back at him and hugged him back.

"I missed you too! You have to stop leaving so suddenly!" She tutted at him like one would to a child. "I'm sorry! My Dad wanted me to do chores! But I'm back now so we can keep having fun!" He kissed her cheek and held her close.

"Promise you won't leave again?" She pouted. "I promise!"


	9. Kanayaaaaa

**Kanaya/Vriska...**

**Because of reasons... **

**How do I even... BAH**

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><p>"Come now Vriska you have to hold still or else I'll prick you on accident and ruin this pretty fabric." Kanaya tutted, putting her hand on her moirail's arm to steady her.<p>

"But Kaaaaaaaanaya I'm so boooooooored!" She whined, squirming. "When's it gonna be done?"

"It will be done when I finish, now hold still!" Kanaya cut some of the extra fabric away and set the dress down, grabbing the small strips to put on Vriska's shoulders. They would be the sleeves.

She measured her other arm, making a few snips here and there before putting the strips with the dress.

"Alright. You can get dressed now." Vriska let out a sigh of relief and slumped over, her knees were sore. Her normal clothes were draped over a chair across from her. Kanaya had_ insisted_ that measuring her near-naked would be the most efficient way to find her dress size.

Her moirail stood up with the dress pieces and started working with the mannequin, dressing it. Vriska gave a sigh of boredom before pulling on her pants and sneakers, watching the jade-blooded girl work. She was a damn good fashion designer.

She tugged on her shirt and laid back on her moirail's couch, shutting her eyes. Pupa would adore her in that dress.


	10. FefVris

**Happy Valentines day~ I figured today would be an ok day to update!**

**With something cute. Like Feferi/Vriska~! ::::) 38D**

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><p>Vriska kicked a stone into the water, listening to it splash. Bluh. Red day. The day that all the matesprits got together and showed off. What a stupid holiday.<p>

She, of course, was spending today alone. And she liked it that way thank you very much! If she wanted a matesprit she could get one! Very easily too! Vriska huffed and walked along the shore, to the docks where her ancestors ship, the Gamblignants, once stayed.

There was a sudden splash in the water, making her jump. Vriska quickly took out her dice, ready to fight whatever was in the wate-

"Hey Vriska!"

...The little Heiress? The cerulean blood put her dice away, kneeling down on the dock to look at the water breather. "Peixes? What are you doing over here? Why aren't you hanging out with your moirail or matesprit or something?" Surely even that pathetic Ampora would be bugging her. The poor idiot was hopeless. Ha. Prince of Hope. Hopeless. Hahahahahahahaha.

"Whale, I don't have a matesprit! And Eridan's way too clingy to talk to without him touching me!" Feferi explained, resting her head against her arms on the dock. Vriska chuckled, leaning against the light post on the dock.

"Yeah he is."

And then they bonded over Eridan's stupidity.

And they did it.


	11. Hi Mr Cage!

**Vriska/Nic Cage. Best pairing**

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><p><strong><strong>Vriska looked up in surprise when something large and particularly peach looking fell out of her wall. Well. More like PUSHED out of her wall.

"Oh my god... NIC CAGE!" She squealed, a wide cerulean blush going across her face at the sight of the human celebrity.

"What? Where am I?" Nicholas asked, rubbing his head. Suddenly Vriska moved towards him, clinging to his leg. "I LOVE YOU!" She declared, her voice high.

"Oh god not another one..." He muttered, trying to pry her off his leg without any luck. Damn.

**I have no idea how to continue this. **


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